Huh, it’s
February already. More and more I am amazed at how fast time seems to pass. I
remember whining in elementary school about having to wait for something for
five minutes and now I just laugh. Five minutes is nothing to a busy college
student/ working adult.
Since
it is now February that means that I have less than two months before my
birthday. I will officially step out of the teenager skin and become a true
adult. It’s weird to think of that. So much has happened over the last year. So
much has happened over the last two months really.
I have
a favorite movie.Now, this isn’t really
that interesting or even that uncommon. What may surprise you, however, is what
movie is my favorite is. Most people would automatically assume that my
favorite movie is one of the Star Wars films. This is a common misconception
(don’t I sound all business-like) though. While I adore Star Wars and it is
definitely my favorite franchise, I do, in fact, have a different movie as my
favorite. What is it you ask? (Or at least, I imagine you are asking. For all I
know you don’t even care. But, if you don’t care, why are you reading this
now?)
The Count of Monte Cristo is my favorite
movie of all time. It is the story of love, betrayal and, overall, theredemption one can feel. While it is mostly a
tale of Edmond Dantes’ vengeance on those who wronged him, it touches heavily
on the emptiness one can be left with when their goal in life is to harm
others.
It also
has a ton of great quotes. One of those quotes I have burned into my memory. I’ve
used it as a monologue during an audition for a play (I didn’t get the part)
and I’ve used it as the opening to a speech (that was actually really fun). I’ve
even used it as my Facebook status multiple times. Here it is, with a few
changes and embellishments by yours truly. (If I quoted it word for word it
would make less sense. It is meant as a birthday toast to young Albert)
“Life is a storm. You
will bask in sunlight one moment and be dashed on the rocks the next. What matters
most is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that gale and
shout, ‘Do your worst! For I will do mine!’ Only then will the world be able to
see you for who you really are.”
I find
that so moving. That’s what I’ve been thinking about a lot recently because it
happens to me often. I will be fine and then I will see something or think of
something and demons from the past will come back to haunt me. But, I know that
that’s just life. Life is hard sometimes, but, if you can’t handle the bad, I
don’t think you deserve the good.
Well
hey there, it’s been awhile. I guess my last post talking about how I intended
to post more often kinda fell through. Sorry, but, I’m a busy person.Okay, that’s not really true. I’m a lazy person would be much more accurate. But, I’m here now
and I’m typing words. Maybe I can actually get something good to say. A lot has
happened over the past few months but I’m still working on processing it. This
post isn’t going to be some big insightful story either. So, if you were
looking for help, sorry. (I ramble a lot when I write!)
You
know how in video games there are usually different modes? Like, say, when
playing Lego Star Wars, there is Padawan, Jedi Knight, and Master? In other
games it probably says something more normal like: Easy, Normal, Hard, and
Expert. I chose the Lego one though because I like Star Wars. Get off my back.
Anyway, this has a point to it, I promise.
So,
like I said, in video games there are different modes. Based on how much you
want to challenge yourself you can choose the respective difficulty. If it
proves too hard, you just go down a notch. (If you can’t beat the game on “easy”
mode, you should probably just give up. Just saying.) I said all of that to say
this. Life and video games are totally different. You don’t get to choose the
difficulty level and sometimes it sucks.
Last
summer I felt like I was struggling on “expert” the entire time because no
matter what I did it didn’t seem to be enough. I worked over 50 hours a week
and still never had anything to show for it. My relationship status wavered and
exploded into tiny little bits and, more often than not, I felt like I was
constantly getting kicked in the ‘nads. (If I may be blunt.) The whole time I
struggled through though, I had help from friends. It was like in that video
game where the guy says something like: “It’s dangerous to go alone! Take this!”
then gives you some perfect weapon. (I don’t know what game it is. I’m not
really that into games. I just needed something to compare life to.) Well, my
friends and family were that perfect weapon that helped me through.
Wow,
that sounded a lot better in my head. Oh well, it’s not like too many people
are really gonna read this. Anyway, that’s not really the main point to this
post. The main point was close to this: Relationships and dating for me have
always been locked into expert mode.
It
always seems like, no matter how hard I try, I’m not able to beat that portion
of life into submission. I’ve tried. I’ve tried A LOT. I’m not sure if it’s my
fault or not but I’ve just never been successful.
It’s
like this: Imagine that, for me, getting a girlfriend is as difficult as
defeating the best and most powerful Pokemon, taking down Galbatorix,
Voldemort, and a snarling dragon, and moving objects with my mind all Jedi
style.
It got
to the point where, after three failed attempts last year I was content to just
stop trying. I didn’t care anymore. This was something that would happen to me
a lot when I was playing video games in high school. Once I got fed up with a
game, once I had played for hours without advancing at all, I would just stop.
Sometimes it would be for only a day; sometimes it was for a few months. This
always worked too. After I calmed down I would be able to beat that level or
kill that boss with ease.
I
figured that maybe, I was having the same problem with dating so I decided that
I was done trying for a while.
So,
here I sit. I’m almost 20 years old and I’m still single. I’ve never been in a
real relationship and I’m still working on being ok with that. As I type this,
Singles Awareness Day(that’s Valentine’s
Day for all of you love birds) looms ever closer and I honestly don’t even
care.
So,
yeah, that’s what I’ve been thinking. I’m sick of whining about playing life on
“expert” and I’m ready to see what’s out there for me. Maybe if I just embrace
it, it won’t be so difficult.
To prove how I ramble I have decided to end this post with
my resolutions for this year. Yeah, random, I know. Oh well.
In 2013, I plan to:
1.Better myself Spiritually – With this I hope
that whenever life inevitably decides to test me I will be able to handle it
with God’s help
2.Better myself physically – Here I work on myself
so that I can better combat the ups and downs of life. What better way to
master “expert mode” than to become more physically fit?
3.Write more – I say I’m a writer but over the
past months I’ve become more of a talker. I want to actually begin and/or
finish some writing projects.
4.Get no lower than a “B” in every class I
register – This is self-explanatory. I’m paying exorbitant amounts of money to
attend college so I guess it would only make sense to try harder.
5.Go on my first date – Well, yeah, a date would
be nice
But, most of all, I want to better
understand myself this year. I learned a lot about who I was in 2012 and I want
to know myself even better.
Who wants to hear about the most
trying period of my life? Well, I’ll give a short explanation of my summer. It
was filled with heartache, frustration, occasional happiness, and tears. Just a
short list of some of what I dealt with: Exhaustion from overwork, car vandalism
amounting to over $1000 in repairs, family pet dying, failing two courses,
relationship budding, relationship getting crapped on, leaving a church I had
grown up in, awesome family vacation, and, most importantly, the best friends I
could ever have. It was a busy and confusing summer. I couldn’t wait for it to
be over. I know that if it wasn’t for my parents and my friends this summer
would have crushed my spirit. But I know that it was just God trying me and
showing me what I could handle. I’m not saying I enjoyed it and I definitely don’t
ever want to be subjected to anything like it again, but, I know it was for the
better.
Romans 8:28:
“And we know that all things work
together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according
to his purpose.”
P.S. Seriously,
Bella, Bart, Caleb, Mom, and Dad, I couldn’t have gotten through this without
you. I love you all so much!
Wow, it
really has been a long time. I think I’m going to try to shift gears a little
bit for this blog. When I first started it during my senior year of high school,
it was merely a way for me to show off some of what I had written. I posted my
favorite writings and hoped people would comment on them. Once I finished that
Literature class, I didn’t have anything else to post so I stopped updating the
blog. When I started my freshman year of college I was filled with a slew of
new emotions and writing suddenly became easy. I updated my blog with a bunch
of new poems, none of them particularly good, but I was proud. Then, during spring
semester I took a course in Creative Writing and from that came even more poems
and even stories. The last post I made, the one before this one, was the
beginning of a story that I was trying to form. I was asking for input and I
hoped to complete it over the summer. Unfortunately, I haven’t done much
writing over the past five months.
This blog
used to just be works I completed for school or occasional poems. I’m gonna
change that. The title of the blog is “Dork Thoughts” and I’m going to try to
move back to that. From now on, it will be my thoughts, as a self-professed and
proud dork. It could be on any subject from politics to Christianity. It will
be my views on the matter. I have been meaning to do it for a while now but
finally decided to take Yoda’s advice. “Do or do not. There is no try.” So,
here it goes. These are my thoughts on life in general. I hope you enjoy and
disagree with me once in a while. The way I see it, if nobody ever disagreed
with anybody, the world would be a very boring place.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
So... I'm currently working on a story. A story that was originally supposed to be a short prompt for my Creative Writing class. It kind of grew into something more. It isn't finished but I'll let you see the the intro. Tell me what you think!
The Tale of Fareofia
In the ancient land of Langoen there was the mighty kingdom of Fareofia. Ruled by the noble King Xander and Queen Emelia, the people of Fareofia lived happy and peaceful lives...
But there was an ever present darkness in all of their hearts, for a mighty beast terrorized the land. This creature, known to the inhabitants of Fareofia only as Helsfyre, was never seen in more than glances. But what they saw struck fear into the hearts of the fiercest warriors.
Desperate, the king and queen sent forth a decree, begging that anyone brave enough to take on Helsfyre step forward...
