Expert Mode Activated…
Well
hey there, it’s been awhile. I guess my last post talking about how I intended
to post more often kinda fell through. Sorry, but, I’m a busy person. Okay, that’s not really true. I’m a lazy person would be much more accurate. But, I’m here now
and I’m typing words. Maybe I can actually get something good to say. A lot has
happened over the past few months but I’m still working on processing it. This
post isn’t going to be some big insightful story either. So, if you were
looking for help, sorry. (I ramble a lot when I write!)
You
know how in video games there are usually different modes? Like, say, when
playing Lego Star Wars, there is Padawan, Jedi Knight, and Master? In other
games it probably says something more normal like: Easy, Normal, Hard, and
Expert. I chose the Lego one though because I like Star Wars. Get off my back.
Anyway, this has a point to it, I promise.
So,
like I said, in video games there are different modes. Based on how much you
want to challenge yourself you can choose the respective difficulty. If it
proves too hard, you just go down a notch. (If you can’t beat the game on “easy”
mode, you should probably just give up. Just saying.) I said all of that to say
this. Life and video games are totally different. You don’t get to choose the
difficulty level and sometimes it sucks.
Last
summer I felt like I was struggling on “expert” the entire time because no
matter what I did it didn’t seem to be enough. I worked over 50 hours a week
and still never had anything to show for it. My relationship status wavered and
exploded into tiny little bits and, more often than not, I felt like I was
constantly getting kicked in the ‘nads. (If I may be blunt.) The whole time I
struggled through though, I had help from friends. It was like in that video
game where the guy says something like: “It’s dangerous to go alone! Take this!”
then gives you some perfect weapon. (I don’t know what game it is. I’m not
really that into games. I just needed something to compare life to.) Well, my
friends and family were that perfect weapon that helped me through.
Wow,
that sounded a lot better in my head. Oh well, it’s not like too many people
are really gonna read this. Anyway, that’s not really the main point to this
post. The main point was close to this: Relationships and dating for me have
always been locked into expert mode.
It
always seems like, no matter how hard I try, I’m not able to beat that portion
of life into submission. I’ve tried. I’ve tried A LOT. I’m not sure if it’s my
fault or not but I’ve just never been successful.
It’s
like this: Imagine that, for me, getting a girlfriend is as difficult as
defeating the best and most powerful Pokemon, taking down Galbatorix,
Voldemort, and a snarling dragon, and moving objects with my mind all Jedi
style.
It got
to the point where, after three failed attempts last year I was content to just
stop trying. I didn’t care anymore. This was something that would happen to me
a lot when I was playing video games in high school. Once I got fed up with a
game, once I had played for hours without advancing at all, I would just stop.
Sometimes it would be for only a day; sometimes it was for a few months. This
always worked too. After I calmed down I would be able to beat that level or
kill that boss with ease.
I
figured that maybe, I was having the same problem with dating so I decided that
I was done trying for a while.
So,
here I sit. I’m almost 20 years old and I’m still single. I’ve never been in a
real relationship and I’m still working on being ok with that. As I type this,
Singles Awareness Day (that’s Valentine’s
Day for all of you love birds) looms ever closer and I honestly don’t even
care.
So,
yeah, that’s what I’ve been thinking. I’m sick of whining about playing life on
“expert” and I’m ready to see what’s out there for me. Maybe if I just embrace
it, it won’t be so difficult.
To prove how I ramble I have decided to end this post with
my resolutions for this year. Yeah, random, I know. Oh well.
In 2013, I plan to:
1.
Better myself Spiritually – With this I hope
that whenever life inevitably decides to test me I will be able to handle it
with God’s help
2.
Better myself physically – Here I work on myself
so that I can better combat the ups and downs of life. What better way to
master “expert mode” than to become more physically fit?
3.
Write more – I say I’m a writer but over the
past months I’ve become more of a talker. I want to actually begin and/or
finish some writing projects.
4.
Get no lower than a “B” in every class I
register – This is self-explanatory. I’m paying exorbitant amounts of money to
attend college so I guess it would only make sense to try harder.
5.
Go on my first date – Well, yeah, a date would
be nice
But, most of all, I want to better
understand myself this year. I learned a lot about who I was in 2012 and I want
to know myself even better.
Here I go, Expert Mode activate!
