The
Friendzone. What does that make you think of? For most people it makes their
hearts sink. Hearing those two words, “just friends,” is enough to knock the
wind out of someone’s sails. For the longest time that was how I felt. To be
honest, I’ve spent roughly 20 years in the dreaded friendzone. I used to hate
it. I would get so frustrated when I would pursue someone and then get buffeted
back. In the past 6-7 months, however, I’ve begun to learn what a blessing that
zone really is.
With
almost every girl I’ve ever pursued over the past 2-3 years I ended up either
put in the friend box or ignored completely. For the longest time I hated this.
I felt so defeated and useless. I didn’t realize what God was saying to me each
time. You see, I have a tendency to see something I want and then put all of my
efforts into it, no matter the possible problems. I ignore the still, small
voice in my head saying that I need to back off and chill. When I look back at
the girls I was interested in I sometimes want to kick myself. It is so obvious
to me now that they were not right for me. But, because I wanted it, I ignored
the signs and allowed myself to get hurt. It’s taken a lot of time but I think
I’m finally learning to wait.
What is
wrong with the friendzone? You have a friend, who happens to be of the opposite
sex, who you spend time investing in each other’s lives with no ulterior
motive. There is nothing wrong with having a friend like this. Why would you
want to run pell-mell into a relationship with someone you barely know? I’m
guilty of trying these kinds of relationships. They don’t work. You have GOT to
know who you are dating, especially as a Christian.
The secular view of dating is so
skewed and wrong. The problem we Christians are facing is that we are trying to
do what we see on tv. We see a happy couple in what looks like a stable
relationship and say, “Oooo, pretty, I want one.” We then jump into a
relationship with the first attractive person we meet. The truth is that television
dating and real life Christian dating are two totally different things.
Television dating is all about what can I
get out of this relationship. It is sex focused and feeling focused and
completely ignores the basic human need for companionship outside of sex.
The Christian way of dating isn’t
to see who can make you feel good and who will do the most for you. The proper way is to
see who you can make happy. Who can you invest in? There is a
quote that I’ve heard and seen a lot over the past few years. I don’t know who
said it but I find it so powerful:
“Well, it seems to me that the
best relationships – the ones that last – are frequently the ones that are
rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something
more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere.
And the person who was just a friend is… suddenly the only person you can ever
imagine yourself with.”
Isn’t that great? It is so true! You cannot have a successful
relationship without being friends first. It will not work.
